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Cute is found in strange formations..

So yeah.
Life is amazing.
Been such long time since I've said that and meant it.
Started my course yesterday.
Cheerleading is going amazing. First competition is in June.
A Day To Remember is in 7 days.
I've made an incredible amount of new friends recently.
And I possibly have a new house in a much more convenient place.
I mean, yeah, there is still so, so many not so amazing things going on right now.
But in this current moment, nothing is really phasing me too hard.
Nothing is ever perfect, and right now, i'm ok with that.
Much love to all <3

It's a great feeling, this success stuff..

I had the first day of my week long writing course today.
It's going to be such an easy week.
Just a simple essay to write to pass, then I'm into my social work course ^_^
I wrote a new song the other day. It's a bit mushy but I like it :)
Aaaand A Day To Remember is coming to New Zealand.
I'm one verrryyy happy girl.
That is all <3

Broken Cities.

Stabbing at blind eyes
Ripping at torn hearts
This city full of dark
This youth, it falls apart

Welcomed to the real world
Nightmare more than dream
Keeping from the shadows
Yet becoming casualties

Lead astray by truth
Sucked into the lies
Foul taste in the mouth
The simple wish to die

By picking up the gun
The world within the hand
No hope, no strength, no love
The thoughts best left unsaid

Forgetting all they are
Fueled on pain and hate
Sirens blasting eardrums
All just a moment late..

Yeah, occasionally I get real inspired and such about things and feel the need to write about them.
So I do. :)


So I just broke up with my BF of two months.
Not long at all, I know.
Thing is, he truly was perfection. So continuously good to me. The most amazing person I've ever met.
Pretty much had the most perfect relationship besides one tiny issue.
I like girls.
Reaaallllyyy like girls.
And will only ever love him as a best mate.
It didn't feel right all along, being his partner.
We both knew this, but chose to ignore it.
I'm glad it's over now, rather than further down the track.
Despite how sad I am.
It'd only get harder and messier for the both of us.
He promises we will remains BFFs.
He knows how seriously I take a promise.
We shall see.
Thanks for the most amazing months of my pathetic little life.
I hope we have many more years together.
But not together.

Sunshine and lollypops

So I was thinking in my dreams.
My best thinking seems to be done in them.
And I've come to the conclusion that with a name like mine, I'm meant to do something spectacular with my life.
This has given me serious motivation this year.
I'm really determined to do so well in my Social Work course.
And if it turns out I am indeed having a baby, then I'm super determined to be an amazing mum. A lot better than what mine ever was to me.
My goal for the year is to absolutely shine like a star, despite everything going on. Despite my past constantly coming back to haunt me. Despite the fact my last two years have been the biggest struggles of my life.
Life is a game, and I'm playing to win.


No i'm not ok. Yes, it's you.

Misunderstanding the truth
I put my whole faith in you
Believing every word that flew
My way, hey
You're not the one I took you for
A different side to you I never saw
Never thought of you like that before
With the nerve to push for more

Used and abused
I'm sitting here right where you want me to
Regretting everything you say and do
Why do you want me to do that
I'm already broken

Did you just take it that i'm playing hard
Just ignoring all the healing scars
Fresh wounds that happened in the past
That past was only yesterday
Can you not see why I don't trust the boys
Only interested in simple toys
Taken for granted just because i'm seen like that
Open your eyes and see me

Used and abused
I'm sitting here right where you want me to
Regretting everything you say and do
Why do you want me to do that
I'm already broken
Trying to find
The meaning to the things you said and why
I believed it all at the time
When all you said was lies
To a girl that's broken

Your here for more
Even though i'm trying to ignore
Even though i've changed the locks on the door
To my heart
Cause i'm already broken

Used and abused
I'm sitting here right where you want me to
Regretting everything
Forgetting everything. . .

Used and abused
I'm sitting here right where you want me to
Regretting everything you say and do
Why do you want me to do that

You tore a hole in my heart
I never thought I would
Seeing the bright side again
This is exactly what you get
So much more than just a threat
And this is where your story ends
This is the end.

Low on Iron, Tolerance and Self-Esteem.

NZ Police. You suck. It's been 6 months and still no word on my case.
I call you, text you, still nothing.
You have all the evidence you need to lock him up. Do it.
As for the cunt that's put me through this.
Why are you walking away with nothing. You're getting off free.
You had mates there. Of course they're gonna make you look innocent as.
It really happened.
You know that.
I know that.
I mean, yeah, I made some bad choices that night. I can admit that. But that doesn't make it any better. Doesn't make it ok.
You should die.
Or have it done to you.
Just cause I look like a kid, doesn't mean I am.
What I say really should count for something, not just get laughed off.
This is crazy.
It's like I've been forgotten about. Like its not even important.
This kinda thing happens way too often.
And with police attitude the way it is, it's just gonna keep happening.
No one with power is making an effort to make it stop.
It's sick. It's disgusting. And it really sticks with you for life, no matter how much counseling they set you up for.
So I guess all I really wanna, as cliche as it is, is fuck the system.
Because I'm quite sure if it happened to them or someone close to them, attitudes would change remarkably.
It would be a whole other story.

Broken Baby Doll

It used to be good
Till you decided to change something
Don't know what to do
Now my entire world is crumbling

I'm sliding off the edge, just great
Soon it's gonna be too late cause

You walked out
You left me
Not how I wanted it to end
You said that
You hate me
Never wanna see me again

Things have become so crazy
I think I've lost control
This is all that's left of me
Your broken babydoll

So lost right now
I thought I was your
But what you did
Just proves to me that I mean nothing

I'm falling far, I'm going down
World caving in, I'm gonna drown, hey

You walked out
You left me
Not how I wanted it to end
You said that
You hate me
Never wanna see me again

I really need a hand
To gain control again
Because all that's left of me
Just your broken babydoll

Will my tears ever end?
Will my heart ever mend?
This song will haunt eternally
But this is what you did to me when

You walked out
And left me
It really tore me up inside
To realize
You won't be
Coming back tonight, yeah

You walked out
You left me
Not how I wanted it to end
You said that
You hate me
Never wanna see me again

Things are crazy
I've lost control
I'm your broken babydoll
I need a hand
To gain control
Just your broken babydoll

But I don't really wanna be
Your broken babydoll.

Writer's Block: Words to Live by

What is your favorite quote?
The main one for me:

If we wait till our lives are free from sorrow or difficulty, then we wait forever and miss the entire point.

It's a pretty sick quote. Legit as..

Uncertainty will be the death of me.

Its strange.
Life puts you in pretty out there situations at the best of times.
But this is just crazy.
It's not so much the outcome of the situation, as it is not knowing which way it's gonna turn.
If the precautions I'm taking are just gonna be a waste of time and make me feel like a dick.
But if it turns out that I am indeed positive, I'm gonna be a lot happier with myself for taking such precautions.
Another situation that is putting me in a deep mindfuck.
People aren't the most reassuring about anything, either.
But then again, they never really are.
They never really know.
I guess time will tell.
Time will reveal all eventually.
Not now.
But eventually.
Till then, I deal with uncertainty.
It's a killer.